Finding Romance by Moonlight
by Limited-Fantasy
Summary: Tuxedo Snape and Princess Lupin. On the Moon. Crack crossover with Sailor Moon written for Beyond Stone Walls RPG. Warning: extreme romantic silliness and OC instances. Written with my good friend Nadia who is Whiplashgirlchild on DeviantART.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Rowling owns Snape and Lupin. Naoko Takeuchi owns Sailor Moon.

**Snape**

He was definitely sloshed. Or high off potion fumes. Or both. There was no other explanation for this.

According to muggle science and what he knew about the world in both realms, there was no way in hell that he ought to be standing on the moon feeling a million times lighter...and in a gravity-defying tuxedo. Everything had a strange white glow and when he tried to walk, he floated and landed again several yards from his previous station.

To say it was disconcerting would be the understatement of the year.

And who the bloody hell was playing Edith Piaf on a gramophone?

Standing there in his astonishingly shiny shoes, Severus looked up at the sky above him and wondered for a moment whether or not he wanted to wake up again as he ran his fingers lightly over slicked back raven--

Wait...SLICKED BACK? And what was that constricted feeling around his hands? He dropped his hands to see that he was now wearing white gloves similar to Lucius's opera gloves...and something was fluttering in the solar wind...

...

He was not only wearing a tuxedo, but a cape--and what was that on the floor beside him?! The Potions Master arched an eyebrow to see a top hat and a cane beside him. What was this insanity? Why was he in opera clothing and wait--Merlin, please don't say he was the Phantom!

Severus touched his face to check if there was a mask. To his relief, it was only one of those masks that went around his eyes.

...

Alright, he was DEFINITELY not in a stable condition if he was thinking that while on the bloody moon!

AND WHO THE BLOODY HELL WAS PLAYING EDITH PIAF?! Was he in some bad black and white movie?!

His headache was starting to return as he turned and tried to kick away the top hat and cane. It didn't help. The hat flew onto his head and the cane would've hit him right in the face had he not caught it and the red rose that came with it.

Wait, why did he have a red rose? And who was calling him over that annoying gramophone music?

Frowning, he turned and staggered back as his eyes fell on a glowing form in white.

"Oh. Bloody. Hell." Severus breathed, eyes dilated from beneath the mask.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Rowling owns Snape and Lupin. Naoko Takeuchi owns Sailor Moon.

**Lupin**

Erk. Something was very, very wrong here. Lupin couldn't remember falling and smashing his head against something hard and pointy, but that is exactly what must have happened. What else could explain this very unusual turn of events? There was dirt beneath his feet, but there were also a pair of white satin pumps down there too.

Lupin normally didn't wear white after Labor Day, but he found himself enveloped in a flowing gown of creamy silk. Another courageous fashion choice and not one that he would willingly make. This was all very odd, indeed. Eyes darting left and right, he attempted to discern the source of that horrible warbling music. Merlin, was that Edith Piaf? Why?

Well…at least he had had a good amount of practice walking about in heels, though he was finding it difficult to maneuver in this unnecessarily billowy gown. Not his taste at all. Off in the distance he could see a figure, dressed all in black save for a white pair of gloves and a mask. What in the world? Seeing that there was nobody else around to ask how in the hell he had gotten to what looked to be the moon, he made his way toward the overdressed man with the cane, moving a tad more gracefully thanks to the lack of gravity. He didn't take the time to wonder why he wasn't floating off into space. No point in it, really.

"Excuse me, sir," Lupin began, finding himself struggling to be heard over Piaf's throaty vocalization. "I hate to bother you, but I'm not entirely sure what's going on. We seem to be on the moon," he observed, gesturing toward the earth floating around a few million miles away in the sky. Lupin tried his hardest to keep from noticing the stranger's dashing good looks.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Rowling owns Snape and Lupin. Naoko Takeuchi owns Sailor Moon.

**Snape**

Alright. That figure in the ethereal white gown could not be Remus Lupin. First off, he was smooth-skinned. Secondly, he had impossibly long and silky hair. Third, he was a bloody pretty boy in a dress. And Severus found that incredibly hot. So hot that he barely registered what the man was saying to him above the warbling old music.

All of a sudden, Edith Piaf didn't sound as awful as usual.

And then he suddenly felt very bold and handsome.

With a smile that rarely graced his pale visage, Severus took a step forward and handed the rose to his beautiful cross-dresser with a slight, graceful bow.

"Yes, we do seem to be on the moon. Quite the quaint place to meet such a beauty. Do tell me, are you a deity of some sort because I have never seen anyone look better in such a gown, or in such...romantic and dreamlike lighting..." He didn't even bother to give his name, too fearful that if he did, something might happen and this lovely creature before him would disappear once and for all.

If he recalled any of this when he woke up from this dream or whatever it was, he would most definitely blame it on potions fumes and several tampered drinks.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Rowling owns Snape and Lupin. Naoko Takeuchi owns Sailor Moon.

**Lupin**

The lack of oxygen seemed to be making Lupin lightheaded. Suddenly, his inhibitions were less…inhibiting. The werewolf didn't often flirt, unless he had been drinking, but tonight he felt particularly feisty. Perhaps it was the soft glow illuminating the entire scene or the dulcet tones of that most beloved French chanteuse, but Lupin felt pretty. Oh, so pretty! Pretty, and witty, and maybe a little bit gay. He was wearing a dress, after all.

He simpered at the compliment, yes, he simpered. It wasn't very often that someone as hairy as he was so shamelessly flattered by such a handsome man. He found himself drawn to the cane that the Masked Man's fingers curled so gracefully around. It was quite aristocratic, and if there was anything that made Lupin's heart flutter, it was money. The man reeked of riches. Literally; the werewolf's noise quivered, taking in the scent of crisp bills. Had this man rolled around in his giant cash pile before shipping off to the moon? How arousing!

"Listen, I don't really do this very often, but…" Lupin began, unable to control himself. "Would you like to dance?" Yes, it was shameless of him, but he wanted to be swirled around on the surface of the moon. He wanted this stranger's strong hands around his own dainty waist. It was like a dream he'd once had, only this stranger stood in the place of Severus Snape. A disconcerting dream, yes, but Lupin had woken up from it in a better mood than usual. "Imagine that. A girl like me with enough audacity to ask a man like you for a dance. It's positively scandalous, isn't it?" he said softly, his tone conspiratorial.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Rowling owns Snape and Lupin. Naoko Takeuchi owns Sailor Moon.

**Snape**

The simpering from a man normally would cause Severus to back up slowly and stumble out the door or jump out the nearest window. However, from this mystery cross-dresser, he couldn't say it wasn't endearing. All he had to do was imagine that this pretty boy that looked strangely familiar was a woman and it all worked out for the best in his mind.

He returned a polite smile and bowed like a gentleman to her (yes, this person was now a her) and offered her his free hand.

"Scandalous, but exciting all the same. I like an adventurous girl that knows what she wants." That voice was definitely his, but did he really just say that? Really? It sounded almost as bad as the Edith Piaf song that was still playing. What was he? Some dashing hero in a fairytale that wooed women's hearts with bad pickup lines?

The other hand with the cane came to claim the brunette's slim waist and pulled her closer. He tried to ignore how solid and masculine the frame of the other felt, letting the music and the scenery cloud his heterosexual senses just for that one moment. After all, how many people could claim to have danced on the moon with such a fetching partner? Severus had long forgotten that none of this made sense.

"I do beg your pardon, but I hope you don't mind my cane?" he asked as he started to lead his partner in a light waltz. His cane was still being held and it was rather scandalously positioned to touch his partner's backside.

If the Potions Master remembered any of this when he was back on earth, he was certain that he would rip the memories out and feed them to the creatures of the Forbidden Forest posthaste. That or just try to kill himself via drowning in a potion or jumping out of the Astronomy Tower.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Rowling owns Snape and Lupin. Naoko Takeuchi owns Sailor Moon.

**Lupin **

Did he mind the cane? If only this handsome stranger knew the thrill that its touch sent through Lupin, he would be the one blushing. As it was, the campy werewolf found his cheeks pink with delight. Something about the man's scent drove him absolutely crazy. If he wasn't a lady, he might have thrown the masked man down and had his way with him right then and there. But that would be terribly unbecoming of him. Even now he was being truly forward, more so than was generally accepted in society.

All of his wit and charm seemed to have escaped him and so Lupin merely rested his head against his partner's shoulder. The pair twirled around and around, Edith's voice coming at them from all sides, echoing off the moon rocks and down through the canyons that dotted the lunar landscape. How romantic it all was! It was a werewolf's fondest dream!

"Oh, sir, your dashing good looks are enough to sweep a girl off her feet," Lupin murmured in the stranger's ear. "And your aristocratic suavity and grace just make me swoon!" Perhaps in another world, one that was not completely ridiculous, Lupin would have vomited all down his front if he found himself in this situation. But this was surely a dream. Where else was a man like him able to be who he truly was without the fear of shame and exile? He thought this in regards to the dress, not the whole werewolf thing.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Rowling owns Snape and Lupin. Naoko Takeuchi owns Sailor Moon.

**Snape**

Normally Severus would've cringed and had the urge to throw up to have such things whispered in is ear. However, it didn't happen in this strange moon world. Instead, he smiled and continued to turn this way and that with his newfound moon lover and watched as beautiful marble pillars and arches appeared overhead with doves and delicate pearly white banners. It was as if they were in some royal hall...perhaps in a wedding dance, only his tuxedo was still black (thankfully. Severus had major commitment issues).

There was much contentment just dancing simply and elegantly with this stranger and to say nothing...ah yes...the bliss of silence.

Severus held tighter to the other's waist as they reached the end of the Moon Hall and there before them was an altar. Here he stopped and stared for a moment. What was this madness? And when did Edith Piaf turn into a wedding chapel song?

Slightly confused, he looked down and saw that his tuxedo had turned white and there were doves absurdly overhead. His stomach clenched as he let go of his partner's waist and stood by her, his other hand still entwined with hers before the altar. What was this madness? And did he just see a cow leap overhead to try to catch a dove?


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Rowling owns Snape and Lupin. Naoko Takeuchi owns Sailor Moon.

**Lupin**

Lupin was enjoying his little whirl about the moon with the masked stranger so much that he barely even noticed when the landscape took on a slightly more matrimonial air. Doves, wedding marches, an altar; oh yes, all completely normal. Definitely nothing amiss here. Happily, Lupin, still clad in his lovely white gown, allowed himself to be led to the altar by the stranger's gentle hand. He smiled warmly at the hippopotamus who was apparently going to perform the marriage ceremony.

It didn't matter to Remus that the only witnesses of the marriage were various zoo animals, he was just happy that the dream he had secretly harbored since girlhood was finally coming true. The giraffe ring bearer was a bonus.

As the hippopotamus groaned away in Hippopotaman, Remus smiled serenely, glancing up adoringly every so often to admire the face of his beloved husband-to-be. It didn't seem to matter either that he had met this man mere moments ago. Perhaps it was the absence of oxygen getting to him, but everything just seemed like it was going to be alright here on the moon. As the stranger took the rings from the giraffe and the hippopotamus finished what was no doubt a lovely ceremony, Lupin let his groom slide a gold band over his left ring finger as he reciprocated the gesture. Then he leaned in for the kiss. He could hardly contain the butterflies in his stomach. He was about to be someone's wife!


	9. Finale

Disclaimer: Rowling owns Snape and Lupin. Naoko Takeuchi owns Sailor Moon.

**Snape**

Everything passed before his eyes so quickly that before he knew it, he was a smiling idiot (with perfect teeth, mind) when his drag queen bride leaned forward for the sealing kiss. It was about that time that recognition struck him as he lifted his dark eyes to his lover's face.

Merlin wasn't a strong enough wizard to swear upon.

Blood and hell also would not suit.

Severus wasn't sure if there was any word he could possibly use to swear upon the great prank narcotics and alcohol had played on his mind: he was on the fucking moon marrying Remus Lupin (in an absurdly light gown) with zoo animals as witness and priest. And there was still Edith Piaf warbling in the distance.

How the hell did he not realize that when the priest was saying their na--oh right, the hippopotamus didn't speak English!

His gloved hands dropped from clasping the werewolf's hand and suddenly he felt a jerk like one when apparating and saw nothing but darkness and stars in his eyes.

...

Severus groaned as he lifted himself from the stone floor, robes half unbuttoned and with a garish brandy stain on his white shirt. Sitting up, he realized he was still in his office and there was a werewolf sprawled over his chair face-down.

...

Then everything that happened in his trip to the moon came back to him and Severus ignored the blistering headache that was starting to build and grabbed the half-filled whiskey bottle. No pensive would alleviate him of that dream.


End file.
